Taddy Porter - Samuel Smith Old Brewery

Samuel Smith Taddy Porter: This beer needs no fancy introduction. It is, by many accounts, the gold standard of porter beer. If you desire more than that just drink the damn thing.

ABV: 5%
Serving Type: 12oz. bottle

Appearance: Black with a burgundy glow. A fairly firm dark tan head (my picture notes an abnormally huge wad from a sloppy pour, disregard). Sits pretty nicely and leaves behind a nice lacing.

Smell: Earthy roasted malts and barley. Lots of nose. A little noticeable hop creeps out from behind the barley.

Taste: Nutty on the takeoff. Roasted mocha tones throughout. A hint of red wine earthiness. Sugary malts coat the mouth and linger.

Mouthfeel: Very pleasing on the tongue. Firm but completely unobtrusive in the mouth. A low carbonation feel. Not bubbly at all, just enough firm carbonation to help it down. Not exactly smooth, but closer to that than grainy.

Drinkability: This is a well balanced beer. As I've said before, I tend to favor slightly bigger beers. That being said, this one's not too weak to pass the mark, it's got excellent flavor, and it doesn't sit heavy in the gullet or the gut. It's a little pricey, but worth shelling out for. Apparently the only drinkability note that I deemed worth writing down was "extremely, I want another," which says pretty plainly that this beer invites one in for a full night of dinner, dancing, and home-run level action sure to leave an impression.
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Links:
Samuel Smith Old Brewery Website
Beeradvocate Page
ratebeer Page

Belhaven Scottish Ale - Belhaven Brewery

Don yer best tartan kits, because today we're heading across the pond. Belhaven brewery has bestowed upon Floridian beverage distributors a number of it's sundry sauces, direct from Scotland. It's assured that this is the first, and a safe bet that it will remain the only, brewery from East Lothian to come across my humble beer review. There are a handful of tempting brews from Belhaven, and the first I've chosen to take a crack at is their Scottish Ale.

ABV: 5.2%
Serving Type: 12oz. bottle

Appearance: Golden brown in color leaning toward the red end. Medium-thin looking body on a delicate pour. A crisp, bubbly, and surprisingly firm off-white head hangs around the glass nicely.

Smell: Very creamy malt nose with sugary sweet and caramel tones heavy. There is also noticeable grain note. Overall fairly clean, but with no bitterness or hops discernible.

Taste: Tastes almost identical to the smell. Creamy malt in the front, sweet, caramel, maybe some toffee, very light hops. No bitterness at all. Smooth but not buttery, some crisp cleanliness about the flavor.

Mouthfeel: Thicker than expected. The pour looked a little on the thin side, but it coats the mouth and hangs nicely on the palette.

Drinkability: If I were in Scotland more often I think I'd be happy to have dram upon dram (I know that term is for Scotch, but I don't have a Scotch review, so I'm going with it). As with most of the beers that have graced the review so far, it's tasty and very drinkable for the sweet-toothed kind. Weighing in at 5.2%, it's not terribly strong. I'd prefer it a bit bigger, because it seems to me like this type of flavor profile handles high ABV pretty well. Also I'm a more swerve for my coin type of guy. The price point is fairly friendly for a beer of this level, at around $10/six pack. It's definitely worth a try and I look forward to having another go at it.
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Links:
Belhaven Brewery Website
Beeradvocate Page
ratebeer Page

Red Brick Porter - Red Brick Brewing Company

I've had a rather protracted siesta from writing since I tackled the last brew review and I have a stack of beer notes piling up on my desk. A few weeks ago I decided to cut back my beer consumption to weekends only in a weak attempt to stay in shape and not become an alcoholic. If I can make myself crank out some catch up reviews I should be able to fall into a regular two or so new reviews per week. We'll see how that works...

To ease back into things I've decided to dig out the notes on yet another brew in what is easily one of my favorite styles, the Porter. This one made the short trip down from Atlanta, provided by my new good friends at the Red Brick Brewing Co. (formerly Atlanta Brewing Co.). You may know the name already from their quirky and ultra-recognizable Amber Ale, Laughing Skull. The Porter is the first beer I've tried out of Red Brick, and it was relatively blind. I hadn't heard much about them before buying this one, but their distinctly Southern sit-around-and-drink-beer-time air and "Beer from Around Here" slogan tickled my fancy just how I like it.

Appearance: Medium thick on the pour with a clear walnut brown body. A fat, sticky, two finger beige head propped istself up from a gingerly pour, and stuck around for the full dirt-lip tour.

Smell: On the first pass a pure chocolate aroma dominated. After giving it a few goes around I could pick out a bit of hops and sweet sugar cane, but it mostly smells of scandalous chocolate on top of chocolate action.

Taste: A simple and unassuming chocolate taste. Very smooooth (my notes directly indicate the smoothness factor of 4 "o"s) and a little sweet, but well balanced.

Mouthfeel: Coats the mouth nicely and hangs on the tongue just enough. Velvety smooooth feel following the taste's lead. If anything a little too thin for the taste and style.

Drinkability: Again quoting directly from my notes, "Yes!". With a little more thickness in the mouth and a sucker-punch of robustness or bitter in there I might be a fanboy. It's simple, it's got great flavor and it's very yummy for the drinker with a tiny bit of a sweet tooth. Fans of the American Porter at large should definitely give it a go. I would gladly drink this one all bbq long, and surely will at some point in time, hopefully soon.
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Links:
Red Brick Brewing Co. Website
Beeradvocate Page
ratebeer Page

Retro Red - Ft. Collins Brewery

Ft. Collins Brewery! Welcome to the blogosphere, lad. We're happy to have you here today to help us tap into the beloved red ale style. We've been looking forward to kicking this one off with a bang and we're lucky to have you here with us. What's that you say? You've got a tasty red in the back, held out for just such an occasion? Well played, boy! Let's get to it then!

Appearance: Ruby red and crystal clear, without the head I'd have thought it to be cranberry juice. Three-finger St. Augustine sand colored head that went as fast as it came and left no lacing behind.

Smell: Caramel malt, sliiiiiiight foot skunkiness (I'll disclaim that my sinus congestion may have handicapped me here).

Taste: Kind of citrusy, crisp and present hops. Sweet malt finish and lingering aftertaste. Fuller flavor than expected. Extremely well balanced.

Mouthfeel: Light body, bordering on thin. Good low amount of carbonation that met my desire nicely.

Drinkability: This one is juicy and refreshing. It's not the best red I've ever had, mostly because I'm not keen on citrus, but it's very nice. The balance is better than most reds that I've tried by keeping the malt flavor from weighing down everything else. As the brewery is re-introducing this beer in 2011 as the Red Banshee, I'm certain I'll be trying it again soon and wouldn't stray away from it on tap.
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Links:
Ft. Collins Brewery Retro Red Page
Beeradvocate Page
ratebeer Page

AmberBock - Michelob Brewing Co.

Today's review leads us into the world of American mega-brewing. With Michelob, as with the other American giants, there seems to be very little attention paid to craft. These breweries tend to focus their efforts on volume and price, leaving me with very little to expect when trying their beers. AmberBock is bottled and advertised to entice cheap beer drinkers looking to take a step up to craft brewing. The campaign has a more refined and special air than generic american lagers and ales. So does Michelob step up the beer quality along with the ad scheme? Let's go inside.

Appearance: In somewhat dim lighting it looks to be a rich brown, almost walnut. The pour is watery, with an instantly vanishing white 1/3 inch head.

Smell: There is hardly anything at all to the nose. A very generic american lager smell is there, without noticeable malt, and very un-bock like.

Taste: From the malts, the taste pulls a bit of roasty nuttiness. There is a sweetness and a tiiiiiny bit of bitter sting from either weak hops or carbonation. The most prominent feature of the taste is the lack of flavor. A distinctly weak and watery vibe.

Mouthfeel: The carbonation passes straight through and it washes down like water. Again, very un-bock in character. Not bad as a meal accompaniment/beer flavored food wash.

Drinkability: In a word, nah. I will say that Michelob has stepped up from the regular bud/coors/michelob fare. This beer has a somewhat pleasant flavor deeeeep down. On the website Michelob claims to have a balanced beer here, but unless they mean balancing amounts of actual beer and tap water I would tend to disagree. AmberBock has failed to surpass even my outrageously low expectations of it. It is absolutely not what I want from a bock beer. It's not terrible, it's just not any good. I would rather drink this than other American macro-brew varieties, but I will not seek it out or buy it at any time in my life.
*Note to Michelob: please spend more money on brewing beer and less money on marketing beer.
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Links:
Michelob.com AmberBock Page
Beeradvocate Page
ratebeer Page

Ol' Red Cease & Desist - Erie Brewing Company

Another Erie Brewing Co. flavor is my feature flavor today. The beer journal proudly welcomes the Scotch Ale, specifically a Wee Heavy for today. Erie comes at you with Ol' Red - Cease & Desist. I selected this one because I tried a taste on tap last week at Stubbies and wanted to get deeper.

*As a sidenote, for the sake of my readership I'm going to try to write my reviews with more brevity and less filler. Maybe I'll take up novel writing to get out my suppressed Hemmingway, but the b.j. will be more brief for at least a hot minute.

Appearance: Poured glistening golden amber. Thin ale-y beige head came and went in a blink, with just a tiny remainder holding on for the duration.

Smell: Light nose of mostly caramel malt and a little alcoholic sting.

Taste: Surprisingly rich creamy caramel malt flavor. Tiny bitterness hidden by mild caramely sweetness. A fairly simple flavor hangs nicely with some alcoholic warming effect from the 10.1% ABV. Somewhat dry finish for the style, leaves on a refreshing note.

Mouthfeel: Creamier than it looked on the pour. It has the thinness of an ale but sticks nicely around the palette. 

Drinkability: I rather enjoyed this one. For 10.1% Ol' Red is very smooth. It's still not a chugger, but I found myself going through it with pace. I give a thumbs up, and would recommend it to anyone who enjoys the sweetness and malty taste of a British brown ale.

**I'll try to hit this one with an update if I have another shot at the tap at Stubbies.
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Links:
Ol' Red Cease & Desist Page
Beeradvocate Page
ratebeer Page

Hooker Imperial Porter - Thomas Hooker Brewing Company

The brew of the day is Thomas Hooker Brewing Company's take on an Imperial Porter. This is another brewery that I have heard mentioned, but had never previously tried any of their products. The website clearly displays their claim as "Connecticut's Beer" which on it's face seems quite bold. But for all I know they are the only brewery operating up there (though I doubt it). I've heard good words spoken in their favor, so I'll just let the beer speak for itself.

Appearance: Dark as hell. I'm pretty sure this beer actually poured into a black hole in my glass. My 8 LED flashlight with new batteries hardly cut through the black. As compared to the previous two beers this one seemed more visibly syrupy. A nice tight mousse-like tan head appeared and continued to lace throughout the drink.

Smell: I may have been handicapped by congestion, but I could just hardly decipher any nose at all. What little I could smell had an oak and alcohol mixture more reminiscent of some dark red wines I've tried than the porters I'm used to.

Taste: The whole of this beer proved to be as dark and mysterious as it seemed on the pour. An amalgam of flavors were present, but it was hard to distinguish particulars. I tasted defined hops, more oak barrel as the smell had foreshadowed, tiny bits of roasted malts throughout, tiny bits of chocolate and coffee, and a highly unexpected slightly sweet finish.

Mouthfeel: A good mix of carbonation and medium viscosity made the feel very nice. The beer swirled nicely around and I found it poised well between heavy and light. However, the feel appeared significantly thinner than the flavor indicated.

Drinkability: I don't know what to think about this one. I can't say that I particularly enjoyed it. I had very high hopes for this dark and robust looking beer, but it fell flat. The look and palate were somewhat stout-like, but the flavors were too clouded and unbalanced for my taste and the mouthfeel left me wondering where Hooker's cojones went. I'd like to try this beer on tap or cask. My overall assessment is that this Hooker Imperial Porter is an odd brew that might be overly ambitious and it has come out too big for it's britches.
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Links:
Hooker Imperial Porter Page
Beeradvocate Page
ratebeer Page

Fallenbock - Erie Brewing Co.

Surprise, I'm back! No, I didn't give up this beer journal after only one crack at it. It'll take at least two posts to kill this aspiration.

Today's brew is privileged to be the first bock addition to the journal, as well as the first doppel, the first by Erie Brewing Co. of Erie, PA, and the first that presents my opinion differing from that of the internet beer reviewing community at large. I've read some harsh pannings of Fallenbock, but I'll say it twice over, I like this autumnal doppelbock and enjoy drinking it even deep into January.

Appearance: Rich walnut body, a little red and fully translucent when held to light.  A nice, springy tan head appeared and covered the glass well. The head stuck around for a few minutes leaving a nice lacing behind for the duration of the drink.

Smell: The nose struck me as much darker than the beer looked. Malt and nut jumped out of the glass, with a little bit of a roasted scent behind.

Taste: The taste followed the scent in perfect form, nutty and a bit malty. A very light hoppy boost balanced the flavors well. The taste was very different from my expectations of a doppelbock. Overall very smooth and light taste with a little bit of chocolate leading to a sweet finish.

Mouthfeel: After getting accustomed to drinking stouts and porters this felt more like a legit lager. It's a bit on the lean side for a doppelbock, but pleasant. A pleasant amount of carbonation helped the feel a bit as well.

Drinkability: I liked this beer chilled and a bit more once at room temperature and breathing. A good mix of slight bitterness without being hoppy and roasted malty sweetness really make for a drinkable brew. I think the problem with the beer is an identity crisis. It suffers from being called a doppelbock. With the mighty doppel people expect a flavor worthy of a title like "OPTIMATOR", "LIBERATOR" or "MAXIMATOR", something that mashes the caps lock into oblivion for you. Truly the Fallenbock is much more a very subtle, nice, dark(ish) lager beer. I wouldn't say that it's not as good as other doppelbocks, it's just different. With an open mind and an open mouth Fallenbock proves itself highly drinkable.
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Links:
Erie Brewing Co. Fallenbock Page
Beeradvocate Page
ratebeer Page

Highland Oatmeal Porter - Highland Brewing Company

For my first post-hiatus beer review I knocked back a beer I thought I'd surely enjoy, Highland Oatmeal Porter. I had never before tried anything from the Asheville, NC mountain people at Highland Brewing Company, but I've heard the name passed casually a time or two.

*For the sake of reading simplicity I'll follow beer advocate's standard A/S/T/M/D format.

Appearance: This brew poured quickly into a dark brown pool (almost black until held up to light, highlighting some chestnut hue). The head was very little, loose, not apparent, and faded immediately.

Smell: The scent was roasty, a bit nutty, and reserved for a beer that appears so dark. More chocolate nose came out with a little breathing time.

Taste: Chocolate chocolate chocolate. The flavor starts out chocolately, some malt and a tiny bit of hoppy bitterness creeps in, and the finish is chocolately all the way. The bitterness only serves to give a dark chocolate-like bite. The hop flavor sits in the back and keeps it's mouth shut. It's there if you're looking for it, but easy to miss. I got none of the distinct oatmeal or coffee flavors I was expecting, but the lack of those wasn't disappointing, just surprising. I would have preferred a tiny bit more sweetness with my chocolate, as there was hardly any there to speak of.

Mouthfeel: The oatmeal was at play here, along with the porter part of the title. Much like this brew's oatmeal stout brethren, it went down as smooth as silk (and smoother than the soymilk kind). Unlike the comparable stouts the porter is light and watery. Low carbonation and thinness make for an interesting mouthfeel for this type of flavor profile.

Drinkability: Good beer for lots of occasions. I would love to find this on tap and grab a pint, or crack open a bottle every now and again while shooting some breeze. This isn't a beer I'd drink all night, or with a meal, but it's interesting and tasty. I will certainly try this one again in the future. I'm not overly impressed with it, but I think this was a solid brew to kick off my beer index.
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Links:
Highland Brewing Company Styles Page
Beer Advocate Page
ratebeer Page

Trying Again

As a comprehensive life review blogger I failed miserably. I reviewed a handful of things over a period of months, but come the long summer days I dropped off the blogosphere and my relic of a blog fell back into the abyss. Well, after an extended hiatus I'm thinking of trying again.

I have a new goal in mind, one which many 20-somethings can relate to: beer. I don't really drink liquor, and only use wine for cooking, but I've gotten in the habit of cracking open a brew whilst playing prep chef in the evening, and I can now safely call myself a semi-regular beer drinker. I am also growing into thinking of myself as a beer snob. I won't say I'm particularly knowledgeable, but I like to try new things and have certain likes and dislikes. Given the million different types of beer available on the market and the wide variety of flavors I occasionally have trouble remembering which beers I've tried. It's a slap in the face to buy a sucky beer for the second time because of a memory lapse.

If I can keep up my blogging, I intend to keep this as a catalogue of sorts. I will take brief notes on any new beers I try (when not hammered) and write down my thoughts here. Not only will taking notes and blogging about beers help me remember beers I like and dislike, but eventually I'll have a fair database of my drinking history and most likely a sad reminder that I could put a kid through college with the money I'm spending on beer.

To kick things off I got a mixed 6 of some interesting singles from Dorn's and I intend to get things rolling while I'm frying some catfish tonight.

Cheers!

Hansa Beer

Upon my first healthy swig of Hansa I was entirely unimpressed. The hefty bottles proudly declare themselves "Imported Dortmunder" and boast of "Pure Quality" that I have yet to discover.

I generally hold German brau, especially those adherent to German Purity Law, to a higher standard than most beers. With great expectations inherently come disappointments, which is entirely apt for Hansa beer. It is never much more than disappointing.

The pour of this beer is very thin. Unmasked it is revealed to be pale yellow, watery, and with very little head (all of which quickly disappears). The best analogs that come to mind instantly are cheap American light beers. The mouthfeel is poor, thin, almost non-existant. The taste is decent, slightly bready, but the first two bottles I tried had a distinctly metallic hint behind the initial flavor. I appreciate modern brewing methods, but I don't want to taste the brite tank in the final product. The subsequent bottles (on subsequent nights) tasted much less metallic, leading me to think the Dortmunder-Hansa Brauerei is hit-or-miss bottle to bottle. Without the metallic finish the beer is smooth. There's no unpleasant bitterness, and the very mild taste of hops is pleasing.

Aside from being mild and smooth at best, I can't say much else in favor of Hansa's drinkability. What makes this beer more drinkable is it's price. At $6-$7 for a 6-pack of 500mL (just over a pint) bottles, it's among the cheapest of imported beers. Unfortunately it lacks the quality many of it's German bretheren possess. Much like the dainty carbonation of the beverage itself, this beer is nothing more than tremendously flat.
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The skinny:
Pros: light, smooth, cheapish
Cons: watery, hit-or-miss, metallic (sometimes)

Make an Assessment:
Giving Hansa repeated trial runs, I'd say that it's growing on me. It goes well with a meal, and could be a good game-day thirst-quencher. While I'm unlikely to purchase it regularly, I'll admit that it's drinkable. In other words, I've had much worse beers, but I've also certainly had much better. In my book it was worth a try for the sake of trying, but I'll refrain from recommending it anytime soon. Better overall value can be found in classics like the Champagne of Beers and PBR.

Overall Review Scores:
Grade: D
Score: 60%
If it were a movie: ★★
My Feelings: meh.

The Future Now - Hazy Orange Sunday

Hazy Orange Sunday is the debut LP from the Gainesville, FL trio The Future Now. Simple, understated, fun homegrown rock and roll music. The term homegrown is brutally apt, as the album was recorded in the comforts of a Gainesville living room. I have to say outright that for a living room debut record this is fantastic.

The Future Now produces a sound seeking to hearken back to a simpler era of rock, devoid of the overly technical riffs and blistering screams that come a dime a dozen today. Paradoxically, the throwback sound is actually like carving a new path in contemporary music. The sonic simplicity is a breath of fresh air, which should prove open to a wide variety of listeners. While not tremendously impressive in terms of instrumentation, Hazy Orange Sunday is full of entertaining, well written songs with pacing that makes the album spin freely over and over.

The album doesn't sound retro in the popular classic-rock revival way, The Future Now instead veers toward the more recent alternative music wave, drawing heavy comparisons to the surge of 1990s grunge bands. Don't let that invoke a Seattle plaid-laden image though, in between the lines these guys have as much Danzig or James Iha as Mark Arm. Suprisingly or not, little to no Peter Hammill influence can be found.

What doesn't work well for The Future Now is unimpressive production quality. Yes, it's great for a small band's album recorded at home, but it's not as deep or sonically impressive as it could be. As well, there is a simplicity to the instrumentation of the guitars that will be easily passed off by many as a lack of talent. While it doesn't hurt the music, it forces the band to rely on strong song writing and presence to captivate audiences. While the album is entertaining, bands like The Future Now usually rely heavily on live shows to bring their music to life for fans. Unfortunately, they seem to have day jobs, so they can't constantly tour. Though, it looks like they are playing shows throughout the Southeast US right now, with a schedule up on their Myspace page.

The best moments of the record emerge when the band gets heavier and more aggressive, as in the songs Ghost Cousins and Terrorarium. Working well also is the slower, more heartfelt sound of the floor tom driven A Necessary Fiction. The entire album passes the mark, with no instant-skip songs. More than listenable, the album is fun and easy to get into.
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The skinny:

• Pros: simple, fun, fuzzy rock and roll, easily accessible
• Cons: still green, no constant touring schedule

Make an Assessment:

• I like it. Check out the Myspace, go see them live, have a brew and chat them up (really nice guys). Pick up the LP at the SoundStudy Recordings shop.

Overall Review Score:

• Grade: B
• Score: 84%
• If it were a movie: ★★★★
• My Feelings: "What a sight to see, what a sound to hear!"

Minus the Bear - Omni

I've been dreading writing up a review of the new Minus the Bear album, Omni. I'll explain.

I've given the album a lot of spins since it leaked a few months ago, and when it officially hit shelves I proudly shelled out some hard earned salad so the band that I've grown to love can live another day. I make the point that I bought it as a huge Minus the Bear fan because had I not been familiar with them there is little chance I would have bought it at all. I gave Minus the Bear my money because I want them to go back into the studio and come out with a better album next time. I've been dreading reviewing Omni because I'm torn between praising them for another good hour of listening pleasure or panning them as a band I feel should have made a better record.

The entirety of Omni takes a step backwards stylistically. There is a resemblance to their 2005 LP, Menos el Oso, but almost no hint of what was presented via the follow up in 2007, Planet of Ice. The progression to a grittier, more progressive rock sound on PoI has been completely polished off by their move to Dangerbird Records, and Omni producer Joe Chiccarelli. There is a distinct return to pop-laden tunes. At times here synths flow ethereally across Jake Snyder's overt sexual couplets, contrasting with moments of pop-funk grooves and electronic drums boom-chick boom-chicking their way through. The overall sound coming out of the speakers is distinctly Minus the Bear, but it seems to be wrapped up in a more widely accessible (read: mainstream) package. One can speculate endlessly about whether the shift is intentional for the sake of radio spins and album sales, or if they might have felt a backlash from fans about the departure PoI took into more serious and dark themes. Whatever the reasoning, Omni is certainly lighter, sexier, and more widely listener friendly than it's predecessor.

The pre-release single My Time has turned heads with it's catchy sing-along chorus. Secret Country is a standout effort, heavier and more befitting to the Minus the Bear catalog. Excuses provides a nice Act II/III mellow jam to pace the album. The final track, Fooled by the Night, provides a meditative drone for a smooth finish.

The problem is that Minus the Bear have failed to raise the bar. The entire album, barring a few passages, feels watered down. Like a Cliffs Notes' Minus the Bear, the premise is present, but the colorful originality has been abridged. There is a lack of the lyrical wit and intrigue of Highly Refined Pirates, the raw intensity of Planet of Ice, and the subtle sophistication of the Acoustics EP.

I find it necessary now to point out that despite my beef with this album, it's good. It's certainly worth listening to, and if funky indie synth pop rock is your preferred genre you'll definitely love it. This album has tremendous potential to inspire dancing, singing, smiling, and especially love making. I will continue to spin it regularly, although probably less than Minus the Bear's previous albums. In a vast sea of crap contemporary music, even a mediocre effort from Minus the Bear is far above average.
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The skinny:

• Pros: catchy, hooky, poppy, sexy, jammy, punani
• Cons: meh

Make an Assessment:

• The best recommendation I can make is to say download it, listen to it, and judge for yourself on this one. My opinion of Minus the Bear is too biased to bring an objective view. I like this album, even though I find it somewhat disappointing.

Overall Review Score:

• Grade: In general: B, as a MtB album: D
• Score: 82%
• If it were a movie: ★★★½
• My Feelings: "Falling down and splashing up, I'm clapping for a second cut."

Mini-Review II: Return of the Mini - Date Night

In brief, director Shawn Levy (whose previous stabs at directing include Night at the Museum and Cheaper by the Dozen) manages to bring life to Date Night out of a stereotypical humdrum screwball comedy by leaning heavily on the skills of Tina Fey and Steve Carell.

I'll give the bad news first. On the downside, the trailers and previews killed a handful of good moments. Some of the comedy relies on surprises, one-liners, and quick turns. While exiting the theater I heard another mini-review, "It wasn't as funny as I expected it to be." If you haven't payed attention to advertising for Date Night you stand a better chance of enjoying it, as opposed to anticipating foreseen sequences and gags. Also, the film stretches itself a bit thin at times. It broadens to touch on action and romance, causing lulls in pacing.

So, the film is not particularly well written and the plot is thin. However, this film doesn't need either element to be strong because it is all about riffing between Fey and Carell. Chuckle lines rock back and forth between the two like a seesaw. Their chops carry the film throughout. I get the sense that filming Date Night was akin to watching the Bird and Diz trade fours in their prime. The cutting room floor probably laughed it's ass off on fifth and sixth takes. Another high note in the overall presentation is a solid supporting cast, with a handful of well-played extended cameos. Lastly I'll note that my celebrity crush on Tina Fey has grown again. She'd be on my celebrity dream date night list, but this film has convinced me against it.
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The skinny:
Pros: funny people being funny, great cast, light-hearted
Cons: "not as funny as expected"

Make an Assessment:
I didn't bust a gut or find myself rolling in the aisles. I am glad I saw Date Night, and thoroughly enjoyed watching it, but I wouldn't recommend paying theater prices for it. Unless you're an absolute maniac for Tina Fey or Steve Carell it is skippable. Worth watching for free? Absolutely. Worth redboxing? Yes. Worth buying 4 different dvd and Blu-ray editions for maximum worship? Not even close.

Overall Review Score:
Grade: B+
Score: 85%
If it were a movie: ★★★★
My Feelings: I find it funny that I spent a Hamilton to see a movie with a lol line from James Franco featuring an antiquated pistol and mention of Aaron Burr.

Umoja Orchestra at Common Grounds 4/24

Umoja Orchestra blew the roof off of Common Grounds this past Saturday night. The roughly 15 piece Gainesville-native latin/afro-cuban ensemble mingled some afro-cuban, dub, and traditional straight latin together with a youthful energy and pleasingly clean-cut hipster aesthetic to create a musical environment rife with positivity.

This group quickly becoming, if not already, a local favorite gathered a diverse audience. Teens, twenty-somethings, thirty-somethings, seniors, white, black, hispanic, and every other music appreciating demographic seemed to come out in droves to watch Umoja Orchestra go wild. Warming up slowly throughout, talented, pleasing music and a well-paced setlist had the crowd hot like wildfire by night's end, with a majority of the stereotypical head-bobbing crowd shaking their hips and moving their feet for the last few numbers.

Their sound can be raucous and blasty. Traditional old-fogey music elitists may be offended by a noisy presentation at times. However, the sound songwriting and instrumental abilities of the group drastically outweigh their noisy tangents. The sound tech in the booth may also have played a big role in balance issues and technical fault. My personal favorite thing about the Umoja Orchestra is their powerful aura of positivity, good energy, and fun. The band obviously enjoying themselves on stage really helped fuel the audience.

Umoja is embarking on an east-coast tour, up to Brooklyn and back down the coast. Dates can be found on their Myspace page as well as an audio taste of their music. Note, though, that this is the type of band best seen live, their recordings don't do their live performance proper justice.
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The skinny:
Pros: good energy, talented instrumentalists, fun
Cons: balance issues, improper sound-boothing, technical problems

Make an Assessment:
Go see the Umoja Orchestra if you can. They're a relatively low-profile, independent band, but their live show is fun and entertaining. They bring a taste of world-beat music not highly visible in our current mainstream youth culture that acts like a breath of fresh air for jaded ears.

Overall Review Score:
Grade: A
Score: 97%
If it were a movie: ★★★★★
My Feelings: "I think I just baile'd with a seventy year-old man."

Mini-Review, The Way A Review Was Meant To Be Written! - The Bhagavad Gita

I wish I could read Sanskrit, because Krishna has some sick lyrical chops and I'm sure his flow is hot fire in it's original tongue. I recently finished my first reading of the Upanishadic-Vedantic masterpiece, The Bhagavad Gita, the highly-acclaimed Juan Mascaro translation.

Anyone with no previous foray into religious texts, specifically Hindu theology, should find this to be a fascinating read and derive some personal spiritual feeling from it. Those with a theological background will devour it's rich allegory and illustration. It's a fascinating text, short, deep, and poignant. Like most old religious texts, The Bhagavad Gita can seem far removed. Passages can be archaic, unrelatable, and hard to follow. However, there's real meat in between the lines. The dialogue between Krishna and Arjuna can serve as an allegory for meditation on one's soul, or at very least provide a glimpse into an ancient theology founded on moral wholeness.

In today's world, particularly here in the United States, we could all learn something from texts like The Bhagavad Gita. Sri Aurobindo reflected, "The Bhagavad Gita is a true scripture of the human race, a living creation rather than a book, with a new message for every age and a new meaning for every civilization." At very least, we could all derive some peace and harmony from the text. Albert Einstein wrote, "When I read the Bhagavad-Gita and reflect about how God created this universe everything else seems so superfluous."
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Make an Assessment:
I'm not going to do pros/cons or put scores on The Bhagavad Gita. I'll say simply that I enjoyed reading it, look forward to exploring more Hindu texts, and even look forward to re-reading this one. I recommend this book to anyone with enough patience and mental acuity to think about what they read.

INSANITY Workout by Beachbody

ARE YOU READY TO DIG DEEP!?
This is the modest motto of the INSANITY workout by fitness company (and infomercial giant) Beachbody.com. The motto is extremely accurate for this workout program. The "hardcore" fitness regimen promises "the most insane body in 60 days." I'm not sure what constitutes an "insane body," but I'm under the impression that it's a good thing.

The INSANITY set contains an impressive 10 workout dvds averaging about 45 minutes of INSANITY. With the dvds you also get miscellaneous materials to help you on your muscle quest. There's a nutrition guide, a snazzy workout calendar, and a fitness guide. The calendar just relays the order in which to use the dvds. The fitness guide is a booklet of warnings, introductions to and explanations of interval training, and useless drivel. The nutrition guide is a drawn out explanation of eating right, with some lame recipes which are supposed to constitute all of the food you ever eat. A more effective supplment would have been a temporary tattoo that reads, "EAT GOOD CARBS, PROTEIN, AND SOME FIBER. DON'T EAT SUGAR AND FAT, DUMMY!" That way at least you'd have a fun constant reminder when you're about to buy McDonald's again, instead of an oversized coaster mocking you with, "INSANE Nutrition Guide" on the front. In addition to the practically useless print materials there is an online support agent, which I am not allowed to participate in because I'm not INSANE.

The actual workouts are based on interval training, which is a fantastic workout structure that I'll gladly swear by. The INSANITY spin is pumping up the intervals to outrageous proportions. You are meant to preform each exercise throughout the workouts at your "MAX" ability. One of the warnings repeated a few times is to check with your doctor before starting the program. I actually heeded this advice and got the okay to proceed based on the fact that I cycle and walk regularly and appear to be in average physical shape. Nowhere on the INSANITY materials does it say anything about having a professional athlete fitness level before starting.

My beef with the program, starting right from the first workout dvd, is that you are constantly encouraged to push yourself. On occasion your INSANE instructor, Shaun T., will tell you to rest if you're dying or to never compromise your form, but then he'll encourage you to dig deeper and assure you know that he knows you can do it. It may be a fault of hubris, but I cannot reasonably back down from such encouragement until I'm literally falling off of my feet.

Within the first week I woke up feeling like I had pulled a groin muscle. Sure enough, I had over-exerted myself and "shocked" my muscles a bit (according to a PT friend of mine, thanks again btw). I know all about warming up, stretching, and cooling down, but I had simply over done it, and at the encouragement of INSANITY. After more than a week off and another week of conditioning I tried to get back on the INSANITY bandwagon. Again, after less than a week I blew out my lower back by over exerting myself. With no limit being drawn on exertion, and only occasional "don't push yourself too hard" messages I found it impossible to achieve the correct amount of workout. Either this workout program really is meant for professional athletes only, or there needs to be a more stringent set of guidelines for newbies and fatties to get into the program safely.

I will say that the workouts are good, and fun. There is a good amount of variation from day to day, with most of the explanations on the fly, wasting minimal time with unnecessary instructions. The exercises are individually easy to get the hang of. There are only bodyweight and cardio exercises as well, so no additional equipment is needed. I had no problem settling into the pace of the workouts, at times feeling like a lump compared to the desired pace of Shaun T. Fortunately, the seemingly fit backup people on the screen appeared to be having as much trouble as me keeping up at times, so I didn't feel like a total lump. Any workout that has the trainer declaring "This s*** is BANANAS" should be an indication of it's difficulty. Also, I found the stretching sections to be insufficient to really warm me up or cool me down, but a quick pause is easy enough to manage.

I'm certain that you would get "the most insane body in 60 days" if you followed the program and the nutrition guide to a t, however, that's basically impossible for any human being. The workouts are outrageous if you take Shaun T's encouragement to heart, and the meal plan is unrealistic for anyone to follow every day.
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The skinny:
* Pros: fun interval workouts, no equipment required, actually challenging
* Cons: too expensive, frivolous supplemental materials, INSANITY

Make an Assessment:
I neither attempted to follow the meal plan, or finish the full 60 day program. I'm not INSANE enough I guess. I will continue using the workout program, as I see fit, to continue the obviously beneficial interval training. I would not recommend that anybody expect to achieve any specific results of the "insane body" variety. I wouldn't even recommend that anybody spend their hard earned money on this product. While I can see obvious benefits of this type of program, the product just doesn't support the amount of money you have to shell out to purchase it. I believe the going rate is something like $140. For a program with minimal hand-holding, that actually caused me to injure myself, there isn't any valid justification for that price tag.

Overall Review Score:
* Grade: C-
* Score: 65%
* If it were a movie: ★★½
* My Feelings: "I want an exercise that doesn't break my crotch, kthx."

La Fiesta Mexican Restaurant

La Fiesta Mexican restaurant is a staple of Gainesville dining. My family and I have regularly visited La Fiesta since I was young enough to pull off L.A. Lights with dignity.

Back then there was only one location, tucked away off of Newberry Rd., behind the La Quinta Inn, in the Service Merchandise strip mall.

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A couple of years ago they opened another location next to I-75 on 39th Ave.

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Both locations serve great food of the stereotypical Mexican-American variety. Free chips and salsa start things off, always a bonus at Mexican restaurants. The chips are usually pretty fresh, and the salsa is fantastic. I have heard arguments made about whether the salsa is laced with some sort of addictive agent, it's good enough to be suspicious at very least.

Their menu is fairly large, filled with exactly what you would expect at a Gainesville Mexican restaurant. There are numerous varieties of burritos, tacos, enchiladas, chimichangas, fajitas, flautas, quesadillas, and a handful combinations. In addition, there are regularly interesting specials and there's a section of chef's specialties as well. Prices are cheap, ranging from about $7-$13 per plate (or combination). There are also a la carte options for next to nothing. I've had a dinner for three for less than $25. That's no small feat anymore.

Illustrating the American identity of the restaurant, dishes are mild on the spicy-level by defualt, you have to ask specifically if you want something to be hot. Also, there is an absence of many traditional Mexican foods like sopes, mole dishes, and lengua as a protein option. However, their menu has something that most Mexican-American restaurants are lacking, a dedicated vegetarian section.

My fallback item has recently become the vegetarian chimichanga. A veggie chimichanga with peppers, mushrooms, onions, etc. deep fried and smothered in queso sauce, served with rice and beans. I highly recommend trying something off of the veggie menu because most of those items come with veggies that aren't found in the standard meat dishes. If you're a meatetarian I suggest trying the shredded beef as your protein. It far surpasses the boring ground beef or chicken. The shredded chimichanga is a good way to go, but I'm admittedly partial to all things chimi.

The service has always been quick at La Fiesta. Most of the front-of-house staff is young, many UF or high school students. They're generally friendly and accommodating, but always running around at full speed so don't expect a dinner-show. Occasionally a large party will hold the kitchen up a bit, particularly on weeknights, but I've never had to wait more than 20 minutes to be served. Plus, they'll keep the free chips and salsa coming so you don't starve.

There isn't anything to say about the ambiance of either location. There are some stereotypical Mexican sombreros, portraits, a skirt or two, and a handful of red, white, and green flags around. It's obviously not a Disney effort, but pleasingly simple.
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The skinny:
* Pros: cheap, good selection, veggie section, fast, tasty!
* Cons: generally pretty heavy/greasy, not authentically Mexican

Make an Assessment:
With cheap tasty food abound there is little reason to squabble. I highly recommend either La Fiesta location for a good Mexican-Amercian meal. Many Gainesville residents insist that the original location is the only true La Fiesta, but I score both with passing grades. I would never make the claim that any establishment is the "best x, y, or z" in Gainesville, but I will say that La Fiesta is my standby above all others for Mexican food.

Overall Review Score:
* Grade: A
* Score: 95%
* If it were a movie: ★★★★★
* My Feelings: "La Fiesta es el primero restaurante por comiendo la cena y bebiendo las margaritas muy bonita y  búsquedando por putas gordas y hablando el espanol muy guapo! Wait, that doesn't sound quite right, right?"

Coheed and Cambria - Year of the Black Rainbow

A new Coheed and Cambria album came out earlier this week. Year of the Black Rainbow is the band's fifth studio effort as part of their sci-fi cycle, The Armory Wars, an entire concept discography (giant leaps beyond a mere concept album). The band brings an intriguing and entertaining record this time.
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**The next paragraph is for Coheed fans, or people interested in a small band history lesson. Skip to the next paragraph for more review of the album.**
The album serves as a story prequel to their other albums, and as such sparked my curiosity about what direction their sound has taken. The style of music, production, feeling, and attitude of their music has evolved significantly from their debut (Second Stage Turbine Blade, the second chapter in the series) to their second most recent release (No World For Tomorrow, the final chapter). I expected their sound to be much more reminiscent of SSTB because of the story proximity. I have long suspected that the end product of The Armory Wars would be an epic, sprawling box set to be listened to start to finish. If this were the band's intent you would expect the music to make a sensible arc. Black Rainbow throws that idea right out the window. The sound of the album is a logical (and predictable) progression of their sound, expanding upon sonic and stylistic themes they've built over the previous four albums. It in no particular way resembles any precursor to SSTB. I would say that it actually least resembles SSTB of all of their albums.
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Black Rainbow is a deeply layered and sonically vast album. The sound sprawls underneath heavy guitar riffs and Claudio Sanchez's characteristic high, pleasingly harmonic vocals. Coheed and Cambria return to their idiosyncratic musical style, but with twists and turns slightly different from previous albums. There is a more apparent blend of hard and soft, metal and pop through this album. To be more exact, there is a seemingly deliberate ebb and flow throughout. It took me a number of listens to pinpoint, but the balance adds a lot to this record.

Upon first listening to Black Rainbow I found myself tremendously unimpressed. Initially it sounds like the previous couple albums cut and pasted into a new environment. There aren't any stand out gems that had me headbanging in my car. There were passages through the middle and end of the album that even made me want to skip back and listen to the extremely catchy second act again (including "Guns of Summer" and the lead single "Here We Are Juggernaut").

However, I've had the album spinning non-stop at home, in the car, and on my mp3 player since Tuesday and it's growing on me with every go around. After the second listen I began humming along with some standout phrases. Immediately I identified "Guns of Summer" and "World of Lines" as great tracks. The former bringing a more progressive metal sound, the latter a more straight-forward pop influenced hard rock song complete with a sing-along chorus.

As I kept listening I realized that there are a handful of sing-along choruses here. There's enough power and energy to give rise to anthemic moments which are more catchy every time I hear them. The fun and poppy "When Skeleton's Live" and the heavier single "Here We Are Juggernaut" are the notable choruses. Coheed also returns to their unconventional take on ballads with "Pearl of the Stars" which is a listenable song, but aside from a great melodic-bluesy solo, not particularly impressive.

The most impressive feature of the album for me is Chris Pennie's drumming. I love the range of sound and tight, technical grooves that he put down here, his debut record with Coheed. The overall instrumentation of the album is impressive, and the production is great. My biggest beef with the overall sound is that it is somewhat inaccessible. I had to listen through the album before the music started to unfold for me. I appreciate the album now that I've gotten into it, but a lot of listeners will never give this album the time it needs to develop.

Another problem that I have with the album is that while it is a good album, and possibly the first Coheed album that doesn't have a lackluster track that I regularly skip through, it doesn't have any mindblowing songs. No individual track can hold a candle to tracks from their previous efforts. There's an abscence of an accessible radio/MTV-friendly hit, i.e. "A Favor House Atlantic". There's no epic on the level of "In Keeping Secrets of  Silent Earth:3" or "Welcome Home". Only time and a dozen more listens will tell if it can stand up as an entire album despite missing a standout single.
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The skinny:
* Pros: Technically impressive, excellent balance, well produced, growing on me slowly
* Cons: No amazing individual moments, moving farther from Second Stage Turbine Blade

Make an Assessment:
For me, being a Coheed fan, this is a great album with some flaws. I don't know how long this album took to write, but I wish they would have put more time into this record overall. Knowing how talented this band is, and listening to their sound mature for the past four albums, I expected to be more impressed. If you don't like previous Coheed albums this one won't change your mind. However, if you are a fan this is definitely worth buying. At the rate that I'm catching on to it in six months it might even be my favorite Coheed album.

Overall Review Score:
* Grade: B
* Score: 83% (and rising)
* If it were a movie: ★★★★
* My Feelings: "The truth is relevant, but not for looooooooong."

Ernie Ball Slinky Guitar Strings

Ernie Ball strings are classic. These strings are the all-purpose answer to the eternal question: which guitar strings should I buy? For scarcely a tuppence any Joe can grab a good set of reliable strings that sound crisp. After a couple years of slacking off on guitar playing, and hussing around town with house strings from wherever I happened to be shopping, I just restrung two asian-made strat imposters and a 40 year old Yamaha acoustic all with different Slinkys, and each one sounds great.

I used a set of Regular Slinkys on one strat, and Super Slinkys on the other. Both sound good, but I think I'll opt for Hybrid Slinkys on my next string change because I like the thin tops (.009-.016) of the Super and the crunchier bottoms (.026-.046) of the Regular.  On the Yamaha I opted for the Acoustic Light version of the Slinky 80/20 (copper/zinc) which range .011-.052.

All three guitars sound tremendously better than they did with dead, gnarly, rusty strings, and all three control tuning and intonation much tighter than before. The biggest difference is on the acoustic. With ridiculously high action it is probably the most difficult guitar to fret notes on that I've ever played. The overall playability of the guitar has been improved TREMENDOUSLY. I don't all-caps often, so you know I mean business.

The only problem I've had with Ernie Ball strings is that they don't last forever. I've played strings with better tone that were more temperamental, and lasted for less than a week before losing their punch. I've also had strings that hold out for months on end without giving up, but sound like cadavers compared to Slinkys.
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The skinny:
* Pros: cheap, high-quality
* Cons: short-ish life

Make an Assessment:
Great for beginners or pros alike, these strings are affordable and always worth the $5 (or less). These strings have proven their value for a long time. No, they won't last forever, but instead of buying strings that will last three times as long for five times the $, just pick up numerous sets of Slinkys and change them at will. I will probably continue to play on these strings until I'm told otherwise by a real guitarist with another suggestion. If Slinkys are good enough for Jeff Beck and Buddy Guy then they're definitely good enough for me and anyone reading this review.

Overall Review Score (I haven't figured out how I want to do this yet):
* Grade: A
* Score: 92%
* If it were a movie: ★★★★½
* My Feelings: "Oh yeah, blistered fingers! I remember this feeling from when I actually played music."